Dear 2019,

Hi its me, Munty! I just wanna to say thank you so much to 2019!! Thank you for all I have traveled through. So many things that I've learned, though there was so much pressure too. Many things that I've wept over, but many smiles have adorned my face afterwards. And just like the season changes, so do I. I've changed to be a better person, to lead me on another adventures.

The beginning of 2019 was my lowest point. I felt anxious about the future I planning for, I felt like what I was doing didn't match to what I had expected and wasn't accordance to what people around expected to me. Then I began to shut down myself with people for months, I do nothing other than worked & studied. I smiled when I met people, then I cried when I laid on my bed. Back at that time, I felt really tired, but I have to stay focus on my goals. Until one day I realize that I put so much pressure on myself. I'm not in love with my own self. I never appreciate what my self have been through and I always felt terribles because I couldn't do anything better than it should be.

Month by month was gone, I felt better. I started to eliminate my inner circle. I'm trying to control my emotional, my mood swings, learning about acceptance, trying to say 'no' to the things I don't wanna do. Attempted to learning how to refuse people's wish. It was a little bit hard, since I'm such a socialize person, but at least I try, dude. Even though, I still can't say no to the closest people. Day by day I felt better and better. I started to communicate with people I avoided before. And I felt like on the full fuel of energy. I felt so happy cause I can go back to the real me lol.

In the mid year, I have back the power of my socializes ability. I go on the trips by myself. I met a lot of new people. I have new friends when I visited Surabaya & Kuala Lumpur and we're still communicating. The new things I know about myself is I like to do solo travel. It quite nice to go to the new places by yourself, so you have to communicate with others. It will be different if you go on the trips with group. I really enjoyed it! (I'll write my trip on KL later).

People said that I really insensitive when there is a guy who interested with me. Still in the midle of year, finally I felt in love (again). He much older than me, he is good, he has daddy's figure on himself, I felt safe around him, I really interested with his thought, at that time I felt like I can rely on him. For the first in my life, I broke all the rules that I made. I was madly in love with him. Until I broken heart again. Thanks to Syifa & Kak Jeihan who patiently listening my complaints. But I really thank to him (if you read this), I learned so much from you, one of them is to learning expect nothing from something you can't control. And I realize he isn't broke my heart, my expectations did. I miss you and thank you so much Ko❤

Before I ended the year, I lost one of my family members. Wa I'm sure that you'll have the best place in heaven. Don't worry about Cici, I'll be there for her. We miss you.

Thank you so much! It's really remarkable that I'm here to learning what is beautiful of process I've been through. Thank you dear myself because you can survive for another 365 days that takes the strength. I'm sorry to always give you pressure. Good luck for another 366 days in 2020 :):)




           Xoxo,