And when people ask me if I’m in love with you I tell them no. Because I don’t want to be the cause of losing you. Even though we mean so much to each other, it doesn’t mean that we need to be together. That’s when the lines of loving someone and being in love with someone are blurred. And my lines with you are so blurry. I can’t even tell you what’s going on in my mind and my heart because I don’t know.

Sometimes we’re meant to meet someone who takes our breath away but not get to be with that person. And it’s unfair. It’s so unfair that we are surrounded by their beauty but we can’t touch them. We can’t tell them how much they mean to us without giving away our secret. We can’t let them know that they’re the last thing we see at night and the first name we breathe as we wake up.

We can learn so much from each other but only if we keep it to the capacity that it’s at. And I’m not fully sure risking everything to tell you my feelings would be the smartest because I don’t feel as though we’re on the same page. And that’s OK. It’s OK to not be exactly at the same moments in life. It’s OK to not feel the same kind of attraction. But let me tell you something, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done to keep my mouth shut about this.

Because I can feel myself breaking. I feel my tongue waiting to betray me. To tell you that I am so completely into you. So completely enamoured by everything you are. And it has nothing to do with outward beauty and everything to do with the gorgeous soul that lies deep within you. And what’s crazy is you don’t see how stunning, how captivating, how incredibly amazing every piece of you is.

So our future looks like this. We keep things the way it is. Because even though I want to love you, I am nowhere near ready too. And while I’m taking my time to get ready to love you, you might meet someone else. You might meet them and love them more than you could ever love me. And they’ll love you just as much. Because you are that person. The person people fall for immediately.

But don’t ever feel sorry for me. Never feel like I’ve lost out because I’ve never gotten to love you in that way. Because the love that I’ve gotten from this is so much better. You have shown me that people like you exist and that makes me fair better off than most.

You are the ultimate. You would be my ultimate. So maybe we’ll end up together or maybe we won’t but all I know is this; as long as you exist in my world, I’ll be happy. No matter what capacity

Well, while Chinese New Year holiday, I decided to joined a trip to Yogyakarta with my friends. That means I can refresh myself a little, before my office mates maternity leave up to 3 months ahead. Yeaayyy! Lol.

Actually this trip was already plan since December 2015. But, before the day we went, I got an interview called for volunteers activity. It makes me so confused back then. Should I cancelled my trip? Huffttt, I got panic! And I can't thought about probabilities of what I had that time.

Then my friend told me "why you dont asked them to reschedule your interview?". Ahhh, thanks to her for the advice! of course  I did it! And I did an interview by phone while I'm on the way to go back to Jakarta. I'm so nervous, because the signal was so bad! huhuhu

Hmm, back to the topic!
So here's a glimpse of my short trip in Yogyakarta :







 

With love,

Benar..

Sajak itu untukmu..

Namun apa daya, ku tak mampu memberitahukanmu.. 

Terlalu takut tuk mengatakannya padamu..

Apakah kau juga merindukanku?

Jikalau kau merindukanku, mengapa kau tak mengatakannya padaku?

Ahhh, sudahlah.....

Benar kata temanku,

Kau dan aku terlalu naif untuk mengatakannya

Atau...

Semua ini hanyalah ilusi hatiku semata?

Bahwa sebenarnya kau memang tak merindukakku..

I know it's kind of late to write this post. But I want and I have to!

Gue ga mau kebahagian gue ini hanya disimpan untuk diri gue (which is that's not important for other people. lol).

Well, it's Sunday's night. Gue inget banget saat itu karena gue bener-bener lagi kelaparan dan mau makan. Pas lagi nyendok makanan, tiba-tiba adik gue manggil-manggil. Dalam hati gue bingung, perasaan tuh orang lagi ngambekin gue deh. Di tanya kenapa malah diem aja, cengengesan. Yaudahlah ya, tanpa negatif thinking gue ke depan. And then...... I saw my best friend standing in the front of my house with a cake on Vhita's hand and a gift on Safi's. Walaupun birthday gue udah lewat sekitar seminggu lebih, gue tetap terharuuuu (karena gue memang menunggu surprise dari mereka lol). Abis tiup lilin, Safi nyuruh gue pake kerudung, buat foto-foto. Alhasil, gue pake kerudung yang langsung.

Nyalain lilin lagi, trus foto-foto. Makan sambil ngobrol-ngobrol. Ngerencanain meet up di bulan depan, karena Safi harus KKN selama bulan November.

Oiya, pas gue buka kadonya, mata gue langsung terfokus kepada backgroundnya. Doraemon!!

Jadi kadonya itu adalah foto kami bertiga, backgroundnya ada Doraemon & Nobita. It's looks like a real.

Thanks girls, I owe with both of you!!

With love,